“I’ll probably never eat on a schedule again.” and other random thoughts from a brand new empty nester.

As I write this, I have a few short hours before I enter the season of being an empty nester. Our baby bird flies out of the nest today. Literally. She’ll hop on a plane from England and fly to Texas. And just like that, our nest will be empty.

My desires do not change reality – nor would I want them to if I’m honest with myself. Not only will I let her go but I will grab my car keys and drive her to the airport. Letting go won’t be easy but I’ve learned (the hard way at times) that right is rarely easy. (click to tweet)

So many years of making sure three meals a day and an afternoon snack were served or at least available. So many trips to the grocery store to ensure the fridge, freezer and pantry were stocked with foods everyone can enjoy. So many days of running mom’s taxi service and working out one issue or another. This will no longer be my norm.

I’m pretty sure I’ll never eat on a schedule again. Truth be told, I’ll probably live on warmed up coffee and frozen Amy’s Gluten Free Bean and Cheese Burritos. Somebody may want to check in on occasion and ask me when the last time I had real food was.

I will officially be solely in charge of picking up the dog poop and emptying the dishwasher – at least when my husband is not home. I suppose it will take more time to fill up the dishwasher so the emptying won’t be as frequent. Heck, I might decide to save water and go to paper. But the dog poop remains… ugh.

Cooking and shopping for two will be weird. Morning coffee for only two will be even weirder.

Cleaning the house will be all mine, except for when my husband is home. But there won’t be as much to clean so I guess that’s a silver lining.

The removal of all bugs and critters, while my husband is at work, will be completely up to me.

The laundry situation won’t change much because I stopped doing their laundry long before they grew and flew.

It’s going to be quiet around here. Probably too quiet.

It’s going to stay clean around here. Probably too clean.

I won’t have anyone to boss around.

I will miss out on hours of randomness and laughter.

I’ll have to listen more closely to find my fun Facebook quote of the day.

I’ll be free to do pretty much as I please with nobody’s schedule to consider. This is the taste of freedom every young mom longs for at times but something this old mom finds a little scary.

I’ll watch Rom Com’s alone and will become very behind on all the new cool shows and music that come out. Not to mention ALL of the YouTube videos she has kept me entertained with.

I wonder if I’ll ever leave my house. Someone may need to check in and get this introverted homebody out of the house on occasion.

I wonder if I will start dressing badly and doing weird things with my makeup since I won’t have in-house fashion police to instruct and advise. Someone please tell me if I’m embarrassing myself!

If this season isn’t the spitting image of bittersweet, I don’t know what is.

I will not cry (much) because it’s over but will smile because it happened. (adapted from the all wise Dr. Seuss)

Yes, I’m wildly thankful for technology but it doesn’t take the place of real life hugs and being able to look into my kid’s eyes straight to her heart.

Nevertheless, there she goes and here I stay. I know I can’t keep her.

Anna,

Fly high and proud my sweet, funny, amazing girl. But carefully, please. God is with you, beside you, under you and over you. He always has been. He just let me be there too for a while.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4 NIV

I knew when I had you that I’d have to let you go someday. Maybe that’s why I held on so tightly while I could. But you know where to find us both.

You’ll do great and I’ll be okay and I’ll probably do great too. It’s as it should be but it’ll take some getting used to.

Fly, baby bird. Fly.

I love you, Anna!
~Mom

Now I think I’ll go warm up my coffee. Or maybe read a book. Or take a nap. Or… hmmm…. whatever I want to do.


Update: I took her to the airport. We hugged at least 20 hundred times. I stared at her when she didn’t notice. I just needed one more glimpse of her before she walked away. It was as if I was giving birth to her all over again except this time the labor was emotional rather than physical. Tears were shed but we survived. She told me not to cry and to “go write a blog post or something”.  I love her. She is a feeler and a fighter. I walked away not knowing what to do and even stopped a few times to make sure I was going the right way. It’s not intuitive for a mom to walk away from her child. At times I felt like I would throw up but I think I was just hungry. I stopped at the salon on the way home and got a pedicure and grabbed Vietnamese food for lunch. She left me a letter and told me a lot of sweet things that every mom longs to hear from their kid. She signed it, “Your forever sidekick”. Oh my… more tears. The release was hard but good. We’re going to be okay. I’m smiling because it happened.

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3 thoughts on ““I’ll probably never eat on a schedule again.” and other random thoughts from a brand new empty nester.

  1. God gives you a respite after the nest is empty, but then, if you’re listening he gives you new tasks that fill your days and nights. Trust me on this one…. Curating for the tribe!

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