Remember when our children were younger and we could put a Band-Aid on their boo-boo and give them a kiss and a cookie and glass of milk? “All better now,” we’d lovingly tell them. Remember when they got older and the boo-boos went from a knee scrape to a wounded heart? It would take more than a kiss and a cookie to make this boo-boo better.
I know some moms don’t cave to the comfort food parenting method but that’s how I was raised and it naturally and unknowingly trickled into how I parented as well. I’m not super proud of this but hey, there are worse parenting methods, right?
I was staying with our son and daughter in love about a year ago. They were going through a difficult season. Newly married, desperately trying to find their way with a big huge “elephant in the room” that wasn’t wanting to budge. This big adult issue was not public then but they’ve done a lot of hard and healing work and are now helping others as a result of their journey. You can, and I hope you will, read about it here. Of Lions and Lace
When our two oldest children got married, the scripture about leaving and cleaving persistently made its way to the forefront of my heart and mind. I knew that they needed to leave and cleave but what I came to realize was that I had to let them. I often wonder if the bigger problem in some marriages is not whether the kids want to leave and cleave but whether us moms (or parents) trying to hang on too tight keeping them from it.
As I gave them space and stayed to myself in my room in their little apartment with paper thin walls, I knew there was nothing I could do to fix their problem. This was theirs to handle. I didn’t have the Band-Aid for this one. I realized I was no longer a parent. (link)
One morning, after what I knew was a long night for them which in turn was a long night for me, I sat still in my room crying out to God. I wanted to do something. I NEEDED to do something. I longed to fix their broken hearts with a warm pot roast and homemade yeast rolls. This would surely make things all better.
I knew, however, that even mama’s best pot roast wasn’t going to make this all better.
I have several of my notherhood friends in mind as thoughts stir in my heart pushing out through my fingers on the keyboard. Nothers whose children have chosen to never call. Nothers whose children have taken a wrong turn. Nothers whose children are exhausted from raising their own children. Nothers who are struggling financially. Nothers whose children are in jail. Nothers whose children’s marriages are hanging by a thread. Nothers whose children battle addiction. Nothers whose children are fighting mental illness.
We want to fix it.
We can’t fix it.
God can fix it.
He might not.
At least now right anyway.
But He will fix it.
He is faithful.
“The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
A Band-Aid can protect a surface wound but there’s no Band-Aid on earth that can protect the heart. A Band-Aid is for protection not for healing. A pot roast can warm the belly and comfort for a time but it can’t heal. Band-Aids don’t heal, nor do pot roasts or hugs or accolades. Only God heals. And we need to get out of the way and let Him do it. He will do a much better job of it than we ever could.
Then, we get to make the yummiest pot roast and yeast rolls for the sole purpose of savoring.
Food for thought…
Have you allowed your married children to leave and cleave?
If not, why? If yes, how has it been good and how has it been hard?
Do you trust God to take care of your adult children?
If not, why? If yes, how do you go about letting Him?
Feel free to share this post with those you think might find it encourageing. Also, please share your thoughts in the comments here or over on the Notherhood Facebook page. Let’s chat. Let’s dive in this adventure together. We need each other’s supportive “me too” and words of encouragement.
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